The Future as I See It
by Kelsey
Summary: The future as 16-year old Jaina Solo sees it, and the way it really plays out.


The Future as I See it

The Future as I See it

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**By**

**[Tenel Jade][1]**

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Disclaimer: I claim ownership to none of these things, people, or places. Lucasfilm owns the world.

**Author's Note:** This will be my first finished YJK fanfic, so critique gently, please. All flaming letters will be shoved out the nearest airlock. Also, I was sick of the goody-two-shoes twins, so I gave them a little bit of a 'bad kid' life. 

**Summary:** The future as a 16-year old Jaina Solo sees it, and then, as it really plays out. Also, the whole New Jedi Order thing happens, I've just bumped it forward about six months.

**Rating:** PG

The Diary of Jaina Solo

Tuesday morning, 0536

I was sitting on the roof of the Jedi Academy, watching the sun rise, and waiting for Tenel Ka to get back from her morning run. The day before, we'd been graduated from the Academy, and I wanted to ask her what she was going to do with her life. She may be unemotional, but Tenel Ka is the best friend I'll ever have.

My father calls it 'puppy love' behind our backs, but I think she really loves my brother. The only time she's ever cried was over him. And I don't have a clue as to what happened on the cold side of Ryloth two years ago, neither of them will tell, but whatever it was, it changed their relationship forever.

Then, after we defeated the Diversity Alliance (With some major help from the New Republic) she kissed him. And though she says she did it to surprise him, I think it meant more to both of them than we ever realized. Poor Lowie. Right after Raaba left, too.

I'm so confused, but really happy too. I'm free, to live my life my own way. Well, I'm only sixteen, so there are still some limitations, but for the most part, my life is my own, and it's thrilling. But scary, too. I have to live with what I make of it. I only get one chance at this.

Zekk said to meet him at the landing field this afternoon. I don't know what it's all about, but I can't wait to find out. My seventeenth birthday's in three days, maybe he's having something delivered.

Zekk is one of the best friends I've ever had, and the only boyfriend so far. I wonder what will happen to us. He's dark-haired and green-eyed and mysterious and wild and sexy, and my parents abhor him. That's really prejudiced of them, but I can't seem to change their minds. So far, they haven't said much. Thank god for small favors. If they can't accept him, they can at least keep quiet about it.

Tenel Ka rounded the bend just now, her red hair flying in the wind. Her lizard-skin armor is formfitting and supple, and every move of her body is visible. I hear a loud wolf whistle, and realize my brother beat me to the path. Silently, I leave.

Tuesday afternoon, 0447

When I went to the landing field, a ship was there. It was sleek and beautiful, a Hapan racer, but I forced myself not to rush up to it, and start examining it. Instead, I waited patiently by Zekk's side, while it touched down, and then the ramp lowered.

Three Hapan women stepped from the ship, all dressed in red bantha-hide catsuits, with rancor-hide boots like Tenel Ka's on their feet. They jumped from the ramp, and walked off.

My impatience reaching the boiling point, I still attempted to be polite. "So?"

Zekk grinned. His hair was loose, the way he leaves it when he wants to drive me crazy. He knows it makes me want to run my hands through it, feel it, soft and silky, and he leaves it that way either when he wants me to play with it, or when he wants to tease me.

He tossed his head, and his hair flew around his shoulders. Mom always says he needs a haircut, but I think it's wonderful, cute and sexy, the way it is. Every time he talks about getting it cut off, I tell him, "Don't you dare!" Then he grins, and tells me he just likes to see me fired up about something.

Zekk grabs my hand, and we walk up the ramp. He stops there, and I look around. "So." He says. "How do you like it?"

I still don't get it. "It's wonderful. It's beautiful and trim and it looks like the latest design." I respond. Why is he teasing me like this?

We walk back outside. Zekk leads me around the ship, to where the nameplate and registry rests. There, on the placard, are the words, The _Century Falcon_. All right, so what's the big deal? It's called the _Century Falcon_. I look at Zekk with a question in my eyes.

"Look closer," He says. I look at the registry, and suddenly, it hits me. "JD79543," I rattle off. "Jaina Solo." My voice is a whisper. "This…amazing…ship is mine?" I ask softly.

Zekk smiles. "Yep. From me and Tenel Ka."

The glee in my mind suddenly registers in my body, and I throw my arms around Zekk and kiss him. Unfortunately, I neglected to notice that my parents were de-boarding their _Falcon_ at the same time, and I got some rather heated glares. Luckily, Lowie and Jacen and Tenel Ka and the crowd showed up then, and got me and Zekk out a potentially sticky situation.

Tuesday night, 1105

Well, my parents did stay civil, and my dad was really happy about the ship. But though Zekk may have scored a few points with my dad, he lost a few with my mom. She thinks that kids shouldn't have ships, even though Tenel Ka and Lowie and Raynar have had theirs forever.

Mom and Dad both managed to congratulate me, and thank Zekk, but then Mom left, with Anakin in tow. She thinks Zekk's a bad influence on my fifteen-year old brother. Anakin is like this little goody-two-shoes, though. He's never done a thing wrong and he never will, as far as my parents are concerned.

Tenel Ka and Jacen excused themselves about 1030, both with the excuse that they needed to sleep, but they left about 5 minutes apart, and when I checked on them later with the Force, they were distant and faint again. 

Every once in a while, a bunch of camping supplies and Jacen and Tenel Ka will disappear. A few days later, they'll all show up again, usually in the middle of the night, and pretend like nothing has happened. But they'll both be in wonderful moods for a few days. I wonder what they do.

Zekk once suggested that maybe they fill their time with rather naughty activities, and I don't know, as far as guy gossip goes, he's the one with the in track. But I don't think Tenel Ka would do that, she's been raised Hapan, and they're pretty into marriage and all that stuff. For that matter, I don't know that Jacen would, either. I mean, he's a guy, so I don't really have any reference point. But it seems to me Jacen's not that kind of a person.

Sometimes I feel funny about keeping Zekk with me. He's an adult, and by keeping him with me, I know I'm holding him back. I mean, I'm still a kid. I still come to my parents' every call, and if I left without their permission, it would legally be a crime. He says he wants to stay, that if he didn't want to, he wouldn't, but sometimes I still wonder what Zekk would be doing with his life, if I weren't a part of it.

Friday morning, 0456

Jacen and Tenel Ka are back. They snuck in about 0100 this morning, and as far as I know, I'm the only one who knows. They came in though the window to Jacen's bedroom, so that's why I heard them. How they could be that happy at one in the morning beats me.

Mom and Dad have been going crazy. Honestly Jacen and Tenel Ka could have picked a better time to leave. It's been a fulltime job reassuring my parents that they do this a lot, and that uncle Luke isn't being negligent, and that aunt Mara _is_ doing her job as student officer.I'm going to make my twin pay. 

See, the two of them have never left while Mom and Dad were here, so it was rather a rude shock for my parents. Especially since after the first couple of times, the rest of us just go 'They're gone again.' Sigh. So it was quite a surprise to Mom and Dad when they went looking for Jacen, and he wasn't there, and on top of that, no one else was concerned.

Of course, they're not the only ones sneaking around. I'm up at this ungodly hour because Zekk says we can take my ship for a test flight before anyone wakes up. I think Mom's on the verge of confiscating it, and I want to at least fly it before she takes it away.

Friday evening, 0627

When Mom and Dad found him, the typical big fuss was made over Jacen, and then everything settled down again. Our party was this afternoon, the all-ages admitted one, and I'm just getting ready to go to the real party now. We're having it out at the Mycanco Temple, with about 30 other trainees, and we've been caching the drinks and the stereos and the music out there for weeks, now. 

Jacen and I got four bottles of Correlian brandy from our dad, and four bottles of various other liquors from our uncle Luke's stash. Neither of them noticed anything. Aren't adults dense sometimes?

Sunday morning, 0714

Well, we came back from the Mycanco Temple about two in the morning yesterday, and man, were we smashed. Jace and me and Tenel Ka and Zekk and Lowie and Raynar and Lusa all fell into mine and Jacen's rooms, (They're adjoining), and we were all asleep in seconds. Poor Lowie. The floor couldn't have been too comfortable.

Em-Teedee found out about our rather wild escapade, and threatened to tell uncle Luke. He forced me to retaliate with the threat of reprogramming him. And he knows I'd do it, too. So, for now, he's going to keep quiet.

Boy, did we have trouble explaining things yesterday! We managed to get away with 'we went to a party. We stayed out late. We were tired. We came back and crashed.' Luckily, uncle Luke didn't ask us about the missing liquor until after my parents left. Thank the Force. And uncle Luke's judgment.

***

I looked down at the battered diary in my hands, and thought about the child I had once been. It had only been eight years. I'm only 24. The thought is genuinely weird. I don't seem young to me. Anyway, those were some packed full eight years, though. It feels like so long. 

The diary didn't end there, not by a long shot. There were entries, as I grew older. I only did sleep with Zekk once, the night before he was killed battling the Yuuzhan Vong, and as I re-read that entry, I can feel my eyes tear up. I remember that night all too well. A little better than I would like, if I had a choice.

***

In the middle of the night, all was quiet, and though a war was going on not a light-year away, it was easy to forget about it, curled up with my head on Zekk's chest, his breath gently moving my hair. I had his hair wrapped around my fingers, and I could feel his hand on my hair, stroking it gently. 

We were in a tent, on a cot. But it didn't matter. I was happy even though the bed felt like wood. Since the Yuuzhan Vong had attacked Coruscant, almost everyone was a refugee. The New Republic had kept Coruscant, but it wasn't worth much to anyone now, a barren planet with a near-permanent dust cloud from the orbital bombardment. 

Then came the call. "We are under attack! Repeat, we are under attack! Rogue Squadron to hanger bay three. Jedi, to pre-assigned positions. Rock Squadron to hanger bay five. Doctor Bali to the medical center…"

I was out of bed in a flash, Zekk by my side. Jedi robes are clumsy things, so, since the war began, uncle Luke started issuing catsuits instead. Formfitting and stretchable, they're made for war, to never hinder a move, no matter what. Grabbing our lightsabers, we left.

The battle was brief, but many warriors were down on both sides. When it was all over, we were held at alert for three more hours. Once the Jedi were finally released, I ran, and I mean ran, to the medical ward.

Jacen was there, holding his arm. He'd be all right. I barely spared him a glance. Anakin had been on the front lines, but his presence in the Force was strong, he was uninjured. It was Zekk I was looking for.

I ran up to a nearby doctor. "Excuse me, but I really need to see a friend of mine. He's a Jedi, his name's Zekk."

The doctor's face went cloudy. "I'm sorry, no entrance to that room."

I was about to explode. "Please! I've got to see him!"

Uncle Luke walked up then, Jacen at his side. "Listen." He was using that no-nonsense tone that he only used when he was really upset. "This young lady is Jedi. And she needs to see that man."

The doctor tried to argue, and uncle Luke got fed up and did the mind-thing on her. Then he waved me through. I tried to thank him, but my tongue was in my stomach, and my intestines were tied up in knots, and I couldn't speak, so I just nodded.

I entered the room quietly, and gasped at what I saw. Zekk was pale and quiet, and that hair that I loved so much was loose and wild. He had a blanket over him, and it looked as though pain medication was being pumped into him through an IV. Incredibly ancient technology, but it would do, for that purpose.

I picked up the datapad beside the bed, and looked at it. Zekk, Jedi Knight, it read. Human, male, native to Ennth…I knew all those things. Then I looked at the note under prognosis. Five to seven hours. And it was dated today, five hours ago. 

At first it didn't register, then, when it did, I threw the datapad across the room. "No!"

Zekk's eyes opened. "Jaina?"

I immediately dropped into the chair beside the bed. "I'm here."

It seemed to strain him to talk, but he did anyway. "You…alright?"

I smiled a little. "Just like you, Zekk. The first words out of your mouth, no matter what the situation, are about me." I shook my head a little. "You should really try to break that habit."

The corners of Zekk's mouth turned up a little, and he locked his gaze on mine. "Jaina…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm dying. I know."

I looked at my lap. "No." I refused to accept it.

"Jaina, there's nothing to do. I'll die knowing that my cause was _right_. You know how much that means to me."

I buried my fists in my eyes. "No! NO! Not you, Zekk!" What I didn't say was that this bloody war had already killed Chewie, Anni, and Mara. This was just getting to be too many people.

Zekk stretched a hand from under the covers. "Promise me something, Jaina."

With difficulty, I stopped my tears. "Alright."

"Don't give up on life. It can give you a raw deal, but it pulls through. If you let it. Look at me. I'm an orphan turned Jedi turned boyfriend of the most wonderful woman in the galaxy." He paused, and coughed. Bloody phlegm ran from his nose and mouth. I passed him a tissue.

"Jaina, life will straighten itself out for you. Just let it, and it will be good to you. Live, Jaina, please. Live for both of us."

Then Zekk's head lolled, and his eyes, still locked with mine, went glassy. His body jerked once, then lay still, that silky soft black hair fanned around his face. I couldn't hold it anymore, and with a wail of mourning, I threw myself across the bed, and pulled Zekk's still body to me.

***

Jacen came to check on me later, but I wouldn't let go of Zekk. He left me alone for a while, and then came back with Luke in the morning. I kicked Jacen, and I bit Luke, I distinctly remember. I would not leave Zekk. But, eventually, I had to, and for many months after that, all my memories are hazy. 

The war was devastating. We lost Chewie in the attack on Sernpidal, and Anni in the battle for Ithor. Mara died of her illness, and we lost Zekk on Correlia. Seven months later, we lost Anakin on Tattoine. Why we fought for that barren desert of a planet, I have no idea.

Dad died of a heart attack about a month after that, the doctors said too much stress. Lowie was paralyzed in the battle for Kashyykk, but Raaba came back, so that was bittersweet for him.

Mom and Luke pulled together more often, and Jacen took a job as a bodyguard for Tenel Ka. I…well, I wandered. With nothing to do and nothing to look forward to, but still under my promise to Zekk, I wandered the galaxy. 

The _Century Falcon_ was given back to me after I resigned from Rogue, and she became my constant companion. I programmed a little droid-dog, artificial, but capable of acting like a dog, and named him R2, after my uncle's beloved R2 droid. We'd lost R2 in one of those battles along the way, too.

I met Alex at one of the spaceports along my journey. He's a hotshot mechanic, the kind of man I usually hate at first site. But, for some reason, for the first time since Zekk died, he made me feel alive. 

At first, I refused to pay him any mind, but then I realized that Zekk wouldn't have told me to live if he thought I was going to live like this. So, slowly, I let Alex in. Originally this was just a stop to tune up the _Falcon_, and then I was off, but when I found myself still there in six months, I decided I had to reconsider my relationship with Alex.

When I first sprung the words 'leaving' and 'commitment' on him, he took off like a rocket, and I thought that was it, but in the end, he came back. Apparently having decided that 'commitment' wasn't such a scary word, he took off with me in the _Falcon_, and we wandered the galaxy together for another year and a half. Only this time, though we still had no destination, it wasn't because I had nothing better to do. It was because I wanted to see the things that I hadn't had time to enjoy before.

This all put us about five years ago. When we won the Vong war two years later, Alex and I ended up on Hapes, where I found, to my surprise, that Jacen was a father. Of two year old twins, Anakin and Sara. Both were (and are) adorable, and little Anakin looks a lot like his deceased uncle by the same name. My brother would have loved to meet his niece and nephew, he loved kids. 

Sara, on the other hand, was somewhat of a surprise. Neither Jacen's and mine, nor Tenel Ka's parents come from a part-alien heritage, but Sara sure looks part alien. She's petite, thin and small-boned, with long, thin, silky silver-white hair and bright blue eyes. Like really, really, unnaturally blue.

Jacen says he did some research, and found out that no one really knows who Dad's parents were. It would be kind of odd for it to crop up three generations later, but it's possible, he says. If he's right, then Jace, Anakin, and I are, or in Anakin's case, were, ¼ alien. Weird thought.

I must go for dark-haired and mysterious, because that describes Alex to the letter. His hair is long, though not as long as Zekk's, and dark. His eyes are blue, and he's broad-shouldered and handsome. Unlike Zekk. Zekk was cute, but Alex is truly handsome.

Well, that's about the events of the missing time. Alex and I are still together, but we never got married, and probably never will. Alex had a rough past, and doesn't commit easily, and I still mourn for Zekk fairly often. Who knows, though.

Jacen and Tenel Ka are thoroughly happy, the twins are five, and they now have two younger siblings. Elizabeth is nearly three, and looks like a miniature replica of her mother, and Alice is nine months old, brown-haired, and dark-eyed. They said this is it; they have all the kids they want or need. 

Mom still cries for Dad every once in a while, and uncle Luke spends hours getting teary-eyed over holopics of aunt Mara. We all miss Anakin, too. But, as Zekk told me, life will give you the good deal if you just let it. Hold on, and savor the best times, and most importantly, remember that they'll come again. Just let life flow by you, and enjoy the fun times.

I remember Zekk all the time, the way his young face was framed by his dark hair as he laid so still on that bed. I remember the way he'd kiss me, and play with my hair. I remember the good times we all had together, before the war. Things will never be the same, and I can't say that I mean that in a good way. But things have to change, and this is just how they changed for me. I will try my very hardest to accept whatever the Force throws at me in life, and I hope to reflect upon a life well lived when it comes my time to die.

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   [1]: mailto:teneljade@netzero.net
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/princess_mcphee/starwars.html
   [3]: http://www.geocities.com/princess_mcphee/swfanfic.html



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